Why We Keep Repeating Patterns (Even When We Know They Hurt)

And how to gently break free

Have you ever caught yourself saying, “I know this is bad for me… but I just keep doing it”?

It might be saying yes when we want to say no.
Or putting everyone else first — until there’s nothing left.
Or getting caught in the same kind of relationship, the same spiral, the same loop.

These patterns aren’t random — they’re deeply wired into us. Our brains and bodies favour the familiar, because it feels safer and takes less energy. Even if it hurts.

But when those patterns start blocking us — from connection, growth, or peace — it’s time to look more closely.

Change begins not with willpower, but with awareness.

When we pause and gently ask ourselves:

• What do I keep doing?

• When does it show up?

• And what might I be afraid of, underneath it all?

We start to unpick the default settings that run our lives.
The good news? Even the smallest shift can start to open a new path.

This week, I’m trying something new.
A longer-form video where I go deeper into this theme — available exclusively to my paid Substack subscribers.

In it, I explore:

• Why the brain clings to old, even painful patterns

• The role of the “default mode network” in shaping our responses

• What lies beneath self-sabotage — and how to meet it with curiosity, not criticism

• How tools like pause, presence, and parts work (IFS) can help gently rewire these reflexes

• And the tiny, doable steps that help us shift from automatic to intentional

This is the kind of depth I just can’t fit into a 90-second Instagram post — but I can share it here, with you.

✨ If you're a paid subscriber, you can scroll down to watch the full video below.
If not, and you’d like access to this and future deep dives, you can join as a paid member here.

Watch the full video below: