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When Elizabeth Day and I spoke on this week’s episode of Therapy Works, the thread that kept pulling through was belonging. Again and again, she described the ache of not feeling seen - whether in her career, her relationships, or her experience of childlessness.
That word - belonging - is not just sentimental. It’s psychological oxygen.
The psychology of belonging
We are tribal by design.
Humans evolved to live in groups of around 150 (the “Dunbar number”). Within that, we have even smaller inner circles: perhaps five people we depend on most closely, and about 15 who are confidants. These layers give us safety, identity and purpose. When the bonds weaken, we feel it in our bodies: loneliness activates the same brain areas as physical pain.
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