The Brain on Revenge

How Retaliation Hooks Us and What Sets Us Free

How often have you plotted someone’s downfall in your head? Someone who hurt you deeply, who humiliated, betrayed, rejected or overlooked you. Someone who took something you didn’t realise mattered until it was gone, and yes, that includes hearts. Most of us, at some point, have played those revenge fantasies like short films in our minds. And while we don’t act on them, they can feel disturbingly satisfying. But that satisfaction doesn’t last. And it always costs more than we think.

Once the nervous system settles, once the emotional storm dies down, most of us regain some perspective and choose not to act. But the hangover lingers. I often come back to that old saying: hating someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. The same could be said of revenge.

I was fascinated by James Kimmel Jr.’s recent book, ’The Science of Revenge’. A Yale lecturer and lawyer, who specialises in revenge and forgiveness, Kimmel explores how revenge isn’t just an emotional reflex, it’s neurologically addictive.